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REALITY OF “REAL HOUSEWIVES”

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STEVEN SPILLS © 106

REALITY OF REAL HOUSEWIVES

They are known as Real Housewives. On ringmaster Andy Cohen’s Bravo TV, these extremist women are the ones to watch for guilty pleasure viewing. They’ve become celebrities in their own right like anyone who desperately opens their lives up to cameras. Some are expressionless, most are botoxed while the entire elitist crew of them believe they are the one the light should shine on most. And we love them all! Well, almost…

The Real Housewives of D.C. didn’t last past one season. They were boring and weren’t engaging enough to follow from each episodes. All I can remember about the cast is that there was the most engaging one with the accent and the law-breaking White House crashing fraud blonde that cheesed her way into President Obama’s party. Hello, Security?!

Then you had the Real Housewives of Miami. Popualation: The Bored and Yawning. There were fiery Latinas and the gal who had been pumped to Jesus with silicone by someone who didn’t know when to say, “Whoa!” I mean seriously. No tea, but gal… I really didn’t watch the series and couldn’t care less if and when it comes back. Both of these franchises just didn’t work because we all know the only real thing in reality television is that it’s staged and manipulated to peak and keep viewer’s interest. These did not.

Next we stop in the reality world of Nene Leakes and her fool ass (and I mean that in a genuinely sweet way.) I’ve lived in Atlanta and watching RHOA (Real Housewives of Atlanta) reminds me of numerous drag queens that fabulously raised me to be a wicked-tounged king who can deliver a verbal pounding through a set of pearly whites. Nene has had words with everyone on the show especially Miss “Tardy For the Party” Kim Zolciak with her fierce wigs and “fuck you” attitude.

Kandi Burruss has the biggest heart of any of them and the only one that has any real talent among the many singing Housewives. Wanna-be Sheree is definitely upstaged by southern belle Phaedra with stunning Apollo and gorgeous model Cynthia Bailey with silver fox Peter along for the ride. Of all the casts these women are some of the best for reality drama. Set the DVR and watch the antics while thanking God it’s not your life on display.

The only reasons to watch Real Housewives of New Jersey are to see Teresa flip out on the others and to lust after the men in their worlds. Beefy Guido types with juiced-up bodies and a swagger of delicious machismo. If you’ve ever checked out the YouTube videos of the parodies of the Housewives then you’ve surely laughed your ass off at the impeccable timing and similarities to the real women. All I can really say about these gals is that they are mostly brunette and “their family is as thick as thieves.”

In Orange County, there’s Gretchen and Slade whom I met briefly at Blue Pear. Tamara has always given me 80′s pop star Samantha Fox with her brazen ways, big blonde hair and even bigger boobs. These are the original Real Housewives and they have been going strong for seasons now and we watch continually. They are reasonably tame compared to the others.

The Real Housewives of New York cougars have continually tried to keep current with their sister casts by being just as outrageous and grand as the next. In charge, there’s Countess LuAnn and her motto “Money Can’t Buy You Class” while making Alex cringe with metrosexual husband Simon in constant tow. No matter… Alex, Cindy, Jill and Kelly are all gone next season. Yes, fired. Man-loving Sonya stays and Pinot Grigio drinking Ramona, too! The most successful reality star that came from one of these casts was from RHONY and her name is Bethenny Frankel.

And drumroll please. Our favorite of the lot are the most-confrontational and well-off-financially gals from RHOBH. On Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we love watching Queen Bee Lisa Vanderpump and Palms Casino owner Adrienne Maloof battling it out for grand dame of Beverly Hills with stunning Camille Grammer giving them a fierce run for it. Taylor Armstrong unfortunately had the demise of her marriage played out on television which sadly ended with her husband’s suicide. Newcomers Brandi has really stirred comfort levels while Dana is just happy to be included. Then the dynamic of former child stars Kim and Kyle Richards really roller coasters. Their gowns and bling are to die and husbands too fine.

2011 © PULP


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